REFEREE MINDSET ONLINE COURSE
Welcome to week 2! This week you are going to develop a healthy self-esteem and learn how to keep it.
The most important reason of not chasing my dreams was the fear of failure. I was afraid of what others will say about my work. What if I do something wrong? I think more or less everyone of us faces the same situation. This feeling creates the barriers between the dreams and taking action towards those dreams.
Moreover, this same principle applies on the court when you are too afraid of what will happen if you make a call.
The question is how to overcome that fear? How can you restore (or build) your self-esteem? How can you keep it?
This is the topic of this week’s seminar. I will show you ways that, if used regularly, your self-esteem will be on the rise. On top of that, we will do an exercise that will give you wings when you are on the court. Your level of confidence will skyrocket reaching heights you have never imagined.
According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is the overall emotional evaluation of your own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent,” “I am worthy”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. Self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.” Self-esteem is also known as the evaluative dimension of the self that includes feelings of worthiness, prides and discouragement.
One’s self-esteem is also closely associated with self-consciousness.
So, we are going to deal with a crucial aspect of being a referee. Top officials have a steady and strong, but very balanced self-esteem. They respect themselves, just as others. They recognise situations when their self esteem is endangered, and deal with them properly. They also know by heart when they go big headed and correct themselves asap.
It’s easy to believe that referees need high self-esteem to achieve excellence. The ones without confidence in their own abilities will be sorry for being nominated for a game and make excuses when they make a mistake.
CONSCIOUSNESS IS ESSENTIAL
Is self-esteem in your control at all? I strongly believe yes, and you will see that soon. It is not in your genes, and you certainly don’t have to rely on others concerning your own self-confidence.
Do you need this week’s course even if you’re self-confident? Yes, because it’s not only about being confident, but being balanced and staying there. And I’m sure that you will ref great games, since you are open to learn. The bigger the games, the more the pressure, the higher confidence level you need in order to excel.
You can raise your self-esteem without anyone, and you can do what you want in front of the naysayers. You will arrive in a place at the end of this week where these naysayers will serve as motivators that keep you going.
HOW DOES A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM LOOK LIKE?
Consider a ref you know with a healthy self-esteem. Not too big headed, but really strong and confident. How does he look like? What does he do? For me it’s easy to copy someone who already possess the characteristics I want. But is it a lasting solution? I don’t think so, but modelling someone always helps us to find what we’re looking for.
We will fix your self image with an NLP exercise this week.
Until then, please read my advices on how to boost your self-esteem with some easy tricks. Feel free to try them, modify them, and watch yourself. Use what works and trash the rest.
Set a small goal every day. Do the following exercises, one at a time, each day until you make a habit of them. There are ten of them, so it will take a little more than one week.
EXCERCISES TO DO
1. Groom yourself
It’s essential that you see yourself as somebody who deserves respect. It’s a small thing but it can make a huge difference in your mood. Shave yourself and take a shower.
Dress nicely. It’s not only the clothes, it’s the cleanness and the tidiness that matters more. I don’t want to overexploit this, but you may note the eyes that look at you when you are dress well.
Clear your desk and your room. Keeping things in order around you helps in feeling the sense of control. Reduce chaos and enjoy the freedom from unnecessary stress.
Please note: if you cannot keep order around yourself, how come you think you can on the court?
2. Think positively
Forget about negative thoughts. As I wrote it in a blog post, you are what you think about. So you should behave and control your thoughts. It’s always about the how, but you will have a task for that.
Practice mental diet today. If you follow my work, you most definitely know what I’m talking about.
It means that you shouldn’t immerse in any negative thing for more than 2 minutes. If you have negative thoughts, just notice them and let them go. When you perceive yourself thinking about negative things for more than two minutes, just relax, don’t beat yourself up, simply start over. Practice until you naturally notice every negative thought asap.
The most important is to notice, then you are half way through letting go of anything negative, and change it to some positive thing you can attach to that situation. Remember, there is always at least one. You always learn, in every situation.
3. Notice your body language
Your mood has an impact on your physiology and vice versa. Take care on how you hold your body and your head. Keep your head up and fake it till you make it.
Whenever you go today, keep special awareness on you body language. What do people think about you when they see you? Let them think you are calm, relaxed, modest, and very powerful!
If you cannot do it, act! Again: fake it till you make it!
Avoid mixing confident body language and being a jerk! Be nice and smile at everyone.
4. Be patient with yourself
This is very important and has a lot to do with controlling your thoughts. If you do something wrong, be easy with yourself. Don’t talk to you in a way you wouldn’t let anybody else! Be your own best friend and support yourself, instead of beating yourself up.
Practice patience today. If you are in a long queue, stay calm and wait. If you mess up something, smile.
Say nice things to you, like “ok, buddy, no probs, you can make it right next time” or “that’s fine, you learn something every day and it’s actually a good thing”.
Nurture yourself with compliments. When you look in the mirror, say how you love yourself. It doesn’t mean you should fall in love with yourself, but you should look at yourself as your best friend.
Best friends never question each other. They accept everything and show support. They are patient and let the other make mistakes. It is extremely important especially when you are a referee.
Be your own best friend! Practice to be nice to yourself today.
5. Be kind and generous
After you have the ability to act nicely to yourself, you can be nice and honest to others. You will get back what you give, so if you are rude and fight all the time, don’t be surprised to see it everywhere around you.
Be nice and help others all the time today. You will feel better and get feedback you have never imagined. Support everyone who is in need and who deserves it.
Be ethical with your friends, spouse and everyone else. For example if you cheated on your spouse, be ready for a drop in your self-esteem. Even if you pretend to be confident and big guy. You act like a confident bastard only to offset your low self-esteem.
Never brag with anything you’ve done. They will notice if you did something valuable and they will acknowledge you for it. No need to be big headed. If you want to share something you are proud of, share it only with your best friends or family members who support you without being jealous.
Always keep your promises. Promise less, but keep them!
Smile, volunteer, and be grateful for small things in your life.
You do it now and you will see yourself as a better person if you learn continuously. Form a habit of learning and use the 3%-rule*. Notice your strengths and build more with learning.
If you are down, learn. If you are up, take advantage of the momentum and learn. You always keep learning. The day you stop is the day you start to go under.
Explore new things, be curious about new perspectives, accept different opinions. The world is a great place when you replace judgment with curiosity.
Write down your strengths and weaknesses as a referee and start working on them today.
* The 3%-rule is from Brian Tracy, who is one of the most fabulous self-development guru. He invented this rule he follows himself, to spend 3% of your annual income on educating yourself. This way, you can keep develop yourself.
7. Get prepared
Preparation, besides experience, makes you perfect in whatever you do. You won’t ever have to feel anxious anywhere if you are well prepared. Simply because that’s all you can do.
Set aside some time today for preparation for you next game. Who is going to play? Can you watch a video on them? Ask the referee who whistled the previous game. Read the papers, study statistics.
Get prepared! Do what it takes to collect all the information, and notice the difference in your confidence level.
8. Set small goals and achieve them
Start the day with something you have done. Even a small thing can give you a hell of a momentum for that day. If you start the day switching on the TV and lay down on you couch, you will do that the whole day. Start learning something, or do one of your MITs. Watch yourself that day, and see how much energy you have and how differently you see yourself.
Procrastination is a popular issue. People like to put things off they don’t like to do. Then they like to complain that they have too many stuff to arrange. Because the things they didn’t do stress them out. Start small, and do something you procrastinated for a long time and is important.
Wake up early today and do something important that you haven’t done for a long time. Spend one hour in the morning and do it before anything else. Notice the difference in your day.
9. Surround yourself with encouraging people
Notice who push you down in your environment. Some people think that they will be better off oppressing everyone else. Of course, it is not true, but they discourage you by saying bad things all the time. They will criticise you all the time, they will say things you feel bad about. Avoid those kind of people, if you can. If you don’t want to (or cannot) avoid them, stand up for yourself, but in a smart way. If you react emotionally, they will win. It’s easy, you only need to practice how to manage them.
Call your cheerleaders and talk to them. They will restore your confidence.
Today, watch for clues that warn you about people who try only to push you down. Listen to what people say and take a mental note. Don’t react until you have learnt how you should. Just take note and avoid talking to them.
If you have noticed, celebrate! You’ve just made a giant step forward.
Get active! Do something that makes you more powerful. Have you seen a man with huge muscles suffer from self-esteem issues? Your energy level booms and your self-esteem goes up. If you do it early in the morning, you will have a much different day than otherwise.
Go and work out today. If you exercise regularly (which I hope you do), have a training exploring your limits and enjoy the nice dose of endorphin, estrogen, dopamine, and serotonin.
Warning!!! It’s addictive!
THE CIRCLE OF CONFIDENCE
The mental exercise that sets the scene for the most confident self. We will wake up and use a part of you that is confident and strong as a rock!
First, listen to this introduction audio.
And now listen and enjoy this mental exercise.
You can reach it in a written form here, but the audio definitely helps.
Feel free to do it more times. It was my first NLP exercise and it worked magically. I went from a devastated loser to Superman!
On the court, the best state is when you are aroused by the game, you focus, but you are not afraid of making a mistake. Sometimes you may feel it when others come to see you, or worse, when someone important comes to make a report that may decide on your road ahead. You can be great 99 times out of 100, but if you choke on that only one game that really matters, you are in trouble.
When you are confident and your self-esteem is ok, it’s never an issue!
- Read this week’s material.
- Listen to the introduction audio.
- Do the NLP exercise.
- From now on, read one point that are detailed above every evening and practice it the next day.
- Watch yourself. How do you change? Write me about any change you may notice on yourself.
- Write me after your next game. How did your level of confidence affect your calls and overall behaviour on the court? How did you feel?